Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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