Please, let me fuck your mom
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
