it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize