Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Randomize
