your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
