big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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