If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
