Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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