I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Randomize
