Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize