hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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