3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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