my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
