Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
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