the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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