i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
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