Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
