I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
