i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
