he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
