I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
