Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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