Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Sorry my hands just texted you
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
