Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
