are you still at the devil's house?
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
