I'd wear matching sweaters with you
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
