she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
