Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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