Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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