I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
