I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
