His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
