I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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