Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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