dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize