I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
