Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
