wrigley field is MILF paradise
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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