An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize