if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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