Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
