walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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