I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
