Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
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