i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
