I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
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