just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
My life is pants optional.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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