I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
