I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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