hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
