Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
