I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
