filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
