you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
