it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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