Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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