Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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