k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize