Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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