So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
