Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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