dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
