I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
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