The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
