can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
you had me at cake vodka
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
