Can i not drive my cunt home
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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