Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
