I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
