plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
