I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
