Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I am mentally ready for anal.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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