the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
