just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
