if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
