remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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