I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
