Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Randomize
