Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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