I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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