I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
