I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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