I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
