Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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