i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
