I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
