Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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