his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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