I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
