i don't like sucking hair
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
