I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
