Life is so much better after having sex.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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