Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Nicole vs. Life
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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