As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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