the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Operation Purity has been aborted
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize