it was like his penis was on wheels.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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