Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
