I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
