remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
