I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
