I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
