I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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