people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
