she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You did what with his pubic hair?
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